I have spent ten years of my ministry career working in continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs), also called life plan communities. These communities offer an instant neighborhood, replete with amenities for active, independent living residents. They also include higher levels of care such as rehabilitation, skilled nursing, long-term care, and memory care for those residents whose needs have changed. I currently serve on a Pastoral team at a CCRC that was established by the Mennonites and comprises three separate campuses, each about 10 minutes apart. My home campus is the smallest of the three, at 55 beds, and is all Personal Care. Because of its small size, it offers a more intimate and family-like setting.

The nature of this population demands a strong working knowledge and comfort level with end-of-life care and planning. Each year, I plan a Service of Remembrance to memorialize all our residents who died in the previous year. The two larger campuses hold these services twice per year. When a resident passes away, we post sympathy notices including service information. However, our residents and staff are rarely able to attend off-site services, which leaves them with a gap in the usual course of grieving a loved one.

So, during the past year, I’ve offered a time of remembrance on my campus for each deceased resident in the days following their death, so that the residents and staff – who are much like extended family – can gather, express their sorrow, and offer favorite stories and memories. The format of these services includes prayers, one or two readings, music, and a brief meditation. I also include three essential elements into the service. The first is a slide show of photos of the resident, including photos of them with other residents. Thankfully, our activities leader is also a shutterbug, so we have plenty of photos. The second element is a time of sharing, where we pass the microphone around for the sharing of anecdotes, impressions, and favorite memories. The third element is a ritual where every person takes a flower, like a carnation, and places it into a vase as it’s passed around, so that together we create something beautiful to commemorate the person’s life, plus a lasting remembrance of our time together.

These more frequent times of remembrance have been very well received as they are immediate and accessible to residents and staff, and they provide folks with the opportunity to process their grief and their hope together, as one extended family.

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FCM Member Rev. Dr. Susan A. Sciarratta, LPC is a pastor and mental health counselor.