Thirty years ago (1995), I was a Republican. I had a life that revolved around my local parish, was a pro-life advocate, was someone who couldn’t quite understand the need for affirmative action and was someone who could not tolerate a gay pride parade. I never bought the abomination theory but I was uncomfortable with gayness. Yet, I thought I was a person with good moral values and felt a strong responsibility to pass my faith and values on to my children and the students I taught at a Catholic elementary school. I thought of myself as a good person with a good heart who had empathy for others.

In 1992, my husband disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused by a priest when he was a teenager. We discerned our place in the church and decided it was a “one bad apple” situation and concluded that we would continue living our faith and remain in our church. Ten years later, in 2002, the Boston clergy abuse scandal came to light and we realized the horror of this abuse had been going on for decades. My husband was angry. He had been lied to by bishops in 1992 when he met with them about his abuse. We began to join organizations who were speaking out against the church and eventually became major advocates for survivors of abuse.

We lobbied for legislation to protect children and hold those who covered up the abuse accountable. Because of this work, we came to know so many people who were victims, relatives of victims and advocates. We met many folks who were in recovery from substance and alcohol abuse. We met many who were in the LGBTQ+ community. We learned of their stories of abuse which were so horrific it would cause us to slip into depressions and lose sleep.

After hearing so many stories of how survivors were treated by church officials, it became clear we could no longer be a part of the institution. We “woke up” to the fact that our church was not what we thought it was.

In 2002 our oldest child was off to college and every two years through 2008, three more went off to college. During one of my son’s visits home, he was wearing a t- shirt that said: “gay?… fine by me.” I talked to him about it and voiced my concern about him getting harassed or beat up (based on stories I had heard in the past). He explained that it was his way of supporting the LGBTQ+ community and no, he was not going to get beat up. Two years later his younger brother came home with the same shirt. And one year later, my youngest daughter came home and “came out.” By this time, I had a much better attitude about LGBTQ+ folks, but it was still a challenge to realize that my own daughter was a lesbian. She knew we loved her. She knew we were going to accept her. But, I definitely made mistakes in some of the ways I reacted.

A turning point for me was when I attended a conference with New Ways Ministries. I was sitting at a table with a couple of parents my age as well as some gay young adults. One of my misconceptions was believing that LGBTQ+ people were all promiscuous. During a discussion time, one young man told us about what it was like when he came to the age of dating. He said there was just no acceptable way of dating. Because of that he wound up going to clubs in DC and yes, it was a promiscuous atmosphere. He didn’t want that but there were no alternatives. And in my mind, the lightbulb went off. I “woke up” to a new understanding of the LGBTQ+ experience.

In 2008 I was one of many swept up in the Barack Obama movement. He was young and energetic and someone who could relate to the diverse population of our country. I didn’t agree with all of his policies, but I was thrilled when he won that election despite being a huge John McCain fan. I felt like America had finally come of age by electing the first Black president.

In 2012 a black teenager named Trayvon Martin was killed by George Zimmerman, a man belonging to a neighborhood watch program who had suspected the teen of committing thefts taking place in his neighborhood. With conflicting eye-witnesses and phone witnesses it was difficult to tell what really happened but in Florida, one can legally carry a gun and use it in self-defense. There was a huge nationwide reaction to this event and more cases followed where police action in response to young Black men was being questioned and the Black Lives Matter movement was born. A typical response from an average white American to that slogan was: “All Lives Matter.” In fact, I was one of them. It had to be explained to me that while all lives do matter – as far as police intervention goes, the Black man is going to be pulled over by an officer at a highly disproportionate rate than white men. It was then that I also started to learn about white privilege. Again, when I first heard that phrase, I was defensive. My father worked hard to support his family. My husband and I worked hard to get the jobs we have to raise four children, and in the beginning, scratching to make the mortgage payment each month. But, I started to hear conversations on TV and saw articles in the newspaper. I learned about red-lining, the unfair practice of zoning to make sure Black Americans would not have the same advantages to buy a new home as white folks; the Tulsa Massacre of 1921 where an uncorroborated story of an incident between a Black man and a white woman got out of control and a mob of angry white men burned the thriving Black neighborhood of Greenwood to the ground. Thousands of Black folks were detained and it appears now that as many as 300 innocent Black people were killed. I was beginning to understand that although my parents and my siblings and my husband worked hard to achieve things in our lives, the reality is that in this country, because our skin color is white, we have certain advantages from the very beginning. I “woke up” to that fact and my attitude has shifted.

I’ve also evolved on the abortion issue which I never could have predicted. My feelings were so strong on this issue. At one point I volunteered at a pregnancy clinic which mentored women with pro-life values in the hopes that each woman would carry their baby to term. I wrote a pro-life song which I was very proud of at the time – but not so much now. Again, as I interacted with more people, I learned of women who had had abortions. While personally I could not grasp the decision to abort, I became more empathetic for those who were in difficult situations. I learned of the many types of circumstances that women found themselves in and finally “woke up” to the fact that I could not judge these folks without walking in their shoes. Surprisingly, as my daughters shared their friends’ and their own experiences with pregnancy and complicating issues, I was very happy that I had already come to the understanding that abortion is a necessary procedure in order to protect the health of women as well as protecting their freedom.

The LGBTQ+ issue has come to light again as Donald Trump, Republicans and “so- called Christians” have decided to make trans individuals their latest roadkill. They like to make fun of “woke” people and mock the idea of using pronouns for people that might be different from their biological identity. I get that it may seem weird. It’s something we’re not used to. For a while white folks weren’t used to sharing water fountains or bathrooms with Black people. I have seen lots of trans folks at this point in my life. Do I have to understand everything about them? No, I don’t. I have to understand that they are human beings. I realized I’ve probably shared a restroom with hundreds of trans people over the years and I had absolutely no idea, nor does it matter. Because if you really think All Lives Matter, then just be a decent person to everyone you meet.

I wish that I had not accepted so much of the bad because I liked the good in the Catholic church. I wish that I had allowed myself to pop the bubble that I was raised in sooner when it came to sexuality. I wish that my rejection of racism on the surface prompted me to look more deeply into its ugly face.

I am angry that I was not taught history accurately over the years. What is happening now with people trying to erase the past is simply atrocious. Working on plans for reparation may indeed be what this country needs. What is happening to the immigrant communities and the LGBTQ+ communities is scary. What is happening to the press is more than concerning. My hope is that this country will rise up and choose decency over hatred and corruption. My belief is that we will get through this and grow together. My life has been much richer since I have woken up. I wish the same for all Americans.

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FCM Member Judy Lorenz has been a commissioned member of FCM since 2016. She serves on the FCM Circle as Chairperson of the FCM Faith Communities Committee. Judy officiates wedding ceremonies, is a facilitator for the FCM Thursday Night Prayer Gathering and serves as a volunteer for Hospice of the Chesapeake and the Bowie Food Pantry. Judy is also an active member of the Sophia Inclusive Community.